Looking around at the internet in all its glory has led to some interesting finds: Girl memes. What I mean by that is the “When a girl says ‘this’, she really means ‘this'” bullshit that doubles as some strange, psychoanalytic phewie.
Like these two:
Because women are constantly making ‘noise’ (either talking, chatting, conversing, complaining, whining, moaning, whingeing, screaming, nagging, berating, etc.) that when the ‘noise’ stops, something is wrong and needs to be fixed by you, oh great savior.
My response: I’m silent because I’m probably concentrating on the state of the UN or the wonders of the universe or I’m trying to crop dust without blowing my cover. Get over yourself.
Because our core body temperature in relation to the external temperature is a direct translation of our emotional instability and, therefore, our need to be comforted and saved.
My response: Sometime’s I’m just fucking cold OK!
Because everything that girls say is malicious, callous, scheming, calculating, and passive aggressive. Don’t trust girls ever.
My response: Heaven forbid women would speak their minds. Go eat a carrot and leave me alone.
Which leads me to the next few:
Because women constantly say ‘no’ when they really mean ‘yes’ but cannot, for whatever reason, see how wonderful, handsome, loving, and affectionate you are.
My response: Do I really need to point it out?
The moral of the story, children, is don’t but stupid shit on the internet and think you’re ‘deep’ or something. You’re a guitar, copy of Catcher in the Rye, and burning insense away from being every person in college. Congrats.